Your Friends Will Thank You

I am not one to have a lot of friends, but those that I do have, have been around for many years. Nowadays, it seems easier for people to connect through the Internet than to approach them live. In part, this is the result of keeping up with a much more fast-paced lifestyle that our grandparents ever had, and also due to the fact that we have become more dependant on technology to make our life choices.

Recently, my twenty-one year old nephew posted a message on his Facebook wall complaining about his lack of social life and pointing out that he spent more time playing video-games online with one of his friends than meeting with people face to face. As many of us do, he has been waiting for someone to take the initiative to reconnect with him. Unfortunately, that is not the way to improve your social life.

Many people are afraid of making acquaintances and stick to the same old friends but they forget that everyone you encounter has the potential of becoming a good friend over time. Many of us become paranoid and easily judge those strangers that approach us to establish a conversation. One might think that they are attracted to us sexually, that they will give us a religious pamphlet, or even a business card to promote themselves professionally. You will encounter those cases, of course; and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you make smart choices and don't drive off in the car with them. You will also find those souls that are attracted to your personality and want nothing but a genuine friendship with you. Use your intuition to decide whether you'd like to see them again. If you don't feel comfortable giving out your number, you can always exchange emails. Arrange to meet at a coffee shop one afternoon but make sure your first invitation is not to your 25th Birthday Bash. Your new friend might feel uncomfortable being the only one who doesn't know anyone at the party. Plus, he might mistake you as a party animal if he sees you at your wildest behavior that day. If you would like to meet with your friend but are afraid he/she might get the wrong idea, ask him/her to join you and a few friends on a movie night, or getting some drinks, playing pool, etc. As long as you make it informal and keep it simple.

The location where you meet will also tell you about their personality. If you met at a night club, chances are they won't be interested in joining your book club. Although, you can't judge a book by its cover! People will never seize to amaze you.

A TRUE FRIEND WILL ALWAYS BE THERE - If you have such high expectations for your friends, you might as well prepare to live a life of solitude. If you are lucky to have found someone who has shown you time and time again that they are with you through thick and thin, take it as a blessing and add this special person to your list of soul-mates. But, make sure that this special person does not establish the standard by which you'll measure all other friends against.

Friends will come in and out of your life. Your paths will meet when you need that individual most, and they might disappear out of your life for some time or maybe forever. Don't think that they have deserted you. We all have our own spiritual path to follow and we are not linked to spend our lives together. If we do, it's most likely because we share a past life karma that needs to be resolved in this life, or simply that we have been together for so many lives that it comes as second nature to continue the pattern. But most of us find that our best friend, the one that was there through our most difficult time, was not around the next time we needed him. Or, what's worse, we might feel our friendship has not been reciprocated at the time we needed it most. But have you asked yourself how many times you might have turned your back on a friend who was counting on you? If you are thinking to yourself: No, I've never done that!, you are probably not aware of the repercussions your choices have had on other people. We have all done it, even if we didn't notice it.

Something else to keep in mind is that you can't ask your friends to share every one of your interests. Is there someone who loves to go shopping with you, but is not interested in your love for gardening? Learn about what makes that connection with your friend special and be ready to accept no for an answer when you ask them to join you on something they don't particularly enjoy doing. And what about those little things about that friend of yours that make you tick?! Learn to accept them. Nobody is perfect, including you. Try to share activities where your friend's personality can be tolerable. If you know your buddy likes to comment on everything, don't go with him to the movies. Instead, ask him to come along to a party where he'll help you break the ice.  

Speaking of parties, I had one at my house years ago where I invited every one of my friends. I remember feeling exhausted afterwards because the whole time I was trying to get people to connect with each other, but it wasn't going well. They basically kept themselves in groups of two or three people and, little by little, they began to look for excuses to leave early. Sure they ate all the food and drank the wine! That day, I learned an important lesson - You must make mental categories of your friends. Don't ask the crazed hip-hop artist to mingle with the conservative Mormon mom. Most likely, they won't find much to talk about. Now I make small gatherings and I only invite friends that I know will find conversation topics and have things in common. And I ask them to bring something to nibble on. I'm not sweating it anymore!