What You Need To Know About Your Child's Teacher

It's hard to believe I've been teaching for more than seven years now. The first five months were extremely difficult. In fact, I used to go home crying almost every day. I was not equipped to teach 320 students. Instead of education, I had chosen a very unique but unrealistic career - concert pianist; which meant I wouldn't have a job after graduation. Whatever I learned, I learned from experience. And I must say that I was able to survive that first year in a public school thanks to a handful of supporting parents and some wonderful colleagues that provided the guidance I desperately needed at the time.

TEACHERS ARE A LITTLE INSANE (AND WITH REASON)- As a parent, you must understand that we don't have all the answers. We spend hours locked in a room with thirty-something hyperactive kids and we could very well come across as being a "little off", depending on how straining the day has been.

WHEN TO APPROACH A TEACHER - Use common sense when approaching us. Don't ask how your child is doing when we are lining up the class for lunch, or when we are dealing with two children that are arguing or misbehaving. If you see your child's teacher hiding behind the desk, it's probably because there are another five parents who, like you, want to speak to her about their kids' progress reports. Leave a message for the teacher at the front desk asking to schedule a conference.

HOW TO APPROACH A TEACHER - Avoid disrespectful language or a threatening tone. If we feel that you are not working with us, we will try to avoid you at any costs. This could mean that your child's behavior might worsen and you might find out when it's too late. Most teachers genuinely care  for their students. Don't think otherwise, even if you catch us on a bad day.

LEARN TO LISTEN AND TRUST - The teacher describes your child and you could swear she is confused. You think: "That's not my kid!" and you verify she understands who your child is. What parents don't realize is that children's attitudes change while they are in school, as well as from one class to the next. A child who does wonderful in Art might be horrible in Language Arts. Understand that your child is no genius and accept his weak areas without argument. Ask the teacher how you can help bring up his grade.

BEST FORM OF COMMUNICATION - Teachers do not like to be interrupted during the work day. We have very busy schedules. We need to know who you are but we don't need to see you every day. Attend school events such as Open-house, Town-hall meetings, and PTA meetings, but don't expect the teacher to meet with you two or three times a week. Send an email every other week to find out how your child is doing. It's a great way to stay in touch without being a nuissance. Do take the initiative to find out about your child's progress in all subjects. We are often bombarded with extra-curricular activites and our planning time is often cut short, which means we might forget to let you know that your child received a D in his weekly math test.

WHAT THE TEACHER CAN'T TELL YOU - There are times when a teacher is not entitled to share details with you as to why your child got in trouble. We are often asked by administration not to address the parents ourselves, but to wait for them to arrange for a conference. We don't always agree with administration but it would be unprofessional to share our frustration with you.

• Participate in all school activities and ask the teacher how you can help.
• Send an email every other week to find out how things are doing.
• Meet deadlines on school assignment
• Let the principal know when your child's teacher has done a great job.
• Say thank you to your child's teacher.
• Ask if the teacher needs any special donations throughout the year. (hand sanitizer, paper towels, lined paper, pencils, sharpener, binders, etc.)

• Lose your temper when talking to a teacher, use disrespectful language or a threatening tone. (especially if the child is present)
• Think that because the teacher is friendly you have the right to address her by her first name. (especially if the child is present)
• Complaint to administrators about the decision of a teacher before hearing what he/she has to say.
• Interrupt the teacher during instruction or transition from one class to the other.
• Gossip about the teacher with other parents. We always find out sooner or later.
• Gossip about the teacher in front of the child. They tell us EVERYTHING!
• Tell the teacher how she is supposed to do her job. What might work for you as a parent might not work in a classroom filled with eight year-olds.

We love to be praised for our hard work. With a salary that makes most people laugh, gratitude is our fuel tank. It's not necessary to give presents to the teachers. I have been brought to tears by student-made cards in many occasions. However, if you are thinking about getting a present for your child's teacher, you need to know there are gifts that will be used and other gifts that will be donated.

CASE SCENARIO No. 1

WHAT YOU KNOW - You went to the thrift store and found a candle you bought and gave Ms. Stevens on the last day of school. You know it's yours because it still has the wrapping paper, which was in fact more expensive than the actual gift.

WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW - Ms. Stevens received another fifteen candles that same day. Six of them are identical to the one you gave her. She knows you bought it at the dollar store because that's where she goes to spend a tenth of her salary to buy student supplies that the school doesn't provide for her students.

CASE SCENARIO No. 2

WHAT YOU KNOW - Next to the candle, you find a bottle of body lotion that comes with a cute little stuffed Santa. For some strange reason it looks familiar to you. It still has the remnants of a bent red ribbon hanging from the cap. You hold it up to examine the bottle carefully, flip it over, and find a tag that reads "Jesus loves you from Johnny D". Your face starts turning red as you realize that you are holding the gift your son gave Ms. Stevens the last day of school before the Christmas break. Obviously, she forgot to pull out the tag.

WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW - Ms. Stevens can only use organic ingredients as she is allergic to synthetic ingredients which make her face blow up like a piñata. You also never cared to ask, but Ms. Stevens is Jewish and does not believe in Santa... or Jesus.

OTHER GIFTS TEACHERS DONATE - Cookies and sweets, pins, cheap jewelry that is not made by the kids, small notebooks, paper weighs, and decorative items such as apples, A+ teacher signs, coffee cups, oil burners, small containers such as jewelry boxes, photo albums, and clothes that are either too ugly, out of style, or do not fit.

A NOTE FOR YOUR CHILD'S SPECIAL AREA TEACHERS - There will be instances when you'll run into a item that will remind you about your son's Art or Music teacher. Just because it reminds you of her, doesn't mean that she is going to like it. A few years back, I put on a show with the little ones. It was a musical about penguins. Needless to say, that year I inherited a collection of over one hundred penguin-theme items. My room looked like the South Pole! Another year we did The Nutcracker. I had nightmares about the Sugarplum Fairy and the small wooden soldiers for an entire week!

USEFUL GIFTS

Gifts are not necessary or expected by any means. But if you are going to give a thank you gift, these are some of the best 'least expensive' useful gifts a teacher can receive:

• Gift Cards - Even if it's a $5 or $10 gift card. It helps us get a discount on whatever we want to buy. Best gift cards are Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, Movie Theatres, Supermarkets, Gas, and stores such as Target, K-mart, etc.
• Grade Level Gifts - Every year I receive a Visa card for $100 or $120 from a grade level. Not all parents donate the money, but those that do give only $5 each and it adds up. This is something that can only be achieved if one of the parents takes the initiative to organize it. We are not going to ask you to come up with such a plan, but we will be extremely thankful.
• Beach Supplies - Before the summer break, it's always nice to receive items that can be used during the season. This year a parent gave me a beautiful giant beach bag which has proved to be extremely useful. Other items could be sunblock lotion, beach towels, flip-flops, beach chairs, and umbrellas.
• Wine, Fruit Baskets - Bottles of wine are always a nice gift, although they need to be given to the teacher in the parking lot since alcohol is not allowed in schools. We get saturated with sweets, especially during the Holiday season, any foods that are healthy and not too sweet are always welcome.
• Lunch - If you have the time, find out what local or fast-food restaurant the teacher likes best, and deliver something from the lunch menu to the classroom on any given day. The teacher will be surprised with such gesture from your part.
• Magazine Subscriptions - Some of them can be found on specials. It's important to find out the interest of the teacher first. And please, don't give us education magazines. The last thing we want to do when we get home is relax with a cup of coffee while reading the latest trends in elementary education! Find out what other interests the teacher may have and if the subscription is not affordable, the parent can always buy the last available volume of the magazine instead of the year subscription.

Being a music teacher and teaching the entire school means that I receive about three hundred gifts a year. I appreciate all those parents that think of me during the Holidays and before the summer break, but it would be impossible for me to keep all the items that I've been given throughout the years. I donate one or two boxes every year, and keep only those things I know I will use within the next two or three months. But my most precious collection is in a big box underneath my dresser. It contains all the student-made cards and letters. It brings tears of joy to see how the handwriting improves from one year to the next; how the drawings go from stick men and geometrical shapes to colorful pictures of the music classroom; and the messages go from a mispelled "Thank You" to an "I am going to miss you, Ms. Wieck." five years later.